“I’m in love with you, and I’m not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying true things. I’m in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we’re all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labor has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we’ll ever have, and I am in love with you.” - The Fault In Our Stars by John Green.

9 months today

before this happened i could never imagine missing someone because of them moving away, like i knew it must be awful but i never understood to what extent, and i still don’t but i’m beginning to, and i think missing someone when there’s such a distance between you is the kind of thing you can’t imagine until it happens to you. The reason i want to see him so much is because before i told him how i felt, for months before that my life had been night upon night if crying and just wishing that whatever would happen i’d end up with him, but at the same time i would sit and think after everything, he knows me well now and if he loved me something would have happened by now, and it hasn’t, so it can’t. So when i told him everything i wasn’t expecting him to reply like that, and when i looked at my phone and read it just started crying again. Like now there will be times when he annoys me and i want to kill him but i swear it was like the biggest relief in the world not only to get everything off my chest but then for him to reply like that. And because after that he was so lovely and so cute and the whole thing was just so unexpected, i now really really need to see him so that i know whether or not he is just saying these things to make me happy. I just need to see him so that he can act how he’s been talking, and act like he loves me because he says he does, then if not at least i’ll know. I also just generally miss him. I want to cuddle him and kiss him and just be cute with him